I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
