He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
