We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I love having hate sex.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
