Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
