Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Enjoy the penises
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
