fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
