singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
