Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
