First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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