but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
