Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
