Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
