yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
