How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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