so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
