Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
