I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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