HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
