we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize
