Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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