i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Everclear isn't food dammit
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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