Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
