I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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