I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
