just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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