pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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