Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
