Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
