I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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