another moral hangover. fuck.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize