I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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