I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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