I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
