I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
