it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
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Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
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Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize