allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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