It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
