he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
