Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
