i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
