I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
