U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I intend to get homeless drunk
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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