she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize