I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
