I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
