found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
