Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
