i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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