I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
