This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
