Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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