Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
