rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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