how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
