Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
