Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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