you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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