Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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