I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
