my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
