I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
